Diary

March 2006

Oh it's been a busy few weeks.

Recently, I attended an event at Bede's World where I was interviewed by reporter Petros Paxman.

Naturally, a great deal of fans attended the event and things quickly spiralled in to Bealtlemania type craziness, think New Kids on the Block if you're in your twenties or, teen fans, hmm, think McFly x 10.

Well, before I knew it somebody had posted a signed picture of me on ebay.

The lucky auction winner was presented with the cherished photo on Valentine's Day.

Strangely she wishes to remain anonymous, probably to avoid jealous attention from fellow JLL fans, nevertheless the luck of joy on her face as she met my good self, Mr Longlife, was a joy to behold. Not to mention the winning bid of £51 has been donated to the RSPCA.

Bless you my dear Jonny Longlife fan for your incredible generosity.

No sooner had the signed pic been auctioned around the world then I take my next step to global exposure.

That's right, following in the tradition of superheroes such as Batman and Superman, after many requests I'm finally featuring in my own comic. The launch was held on March 3, with a Goverment Minister and local Councillor in attendance.

I think it was Aretha Franklin who once said, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T - Find out what it means to me', of cource in the 80s Mel and Kim had the hit, 'Respectable - tay tay tay tay tay tay tay'. Both fantastic statements in their own right which are not exactly target references for the young generation. Hmm, Kelly Clarkson released the Aretha one, aha, teen target reference after all.

However, arguably my new comic RESPECT has more depth than all three put together . Click here to read it.

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Perhaps I'm getting old. Since when was it cool to go and vomit all over my cape while stinking of cheap cider. Well that's what happened to one of the 'kewl' kids I rescued this week.

He seemed to be turning a disturbingly sickly shade of green when I arrived after a tip off from one of my Juniors. On arrival the sickly teen duly unleashed a fresh load of carrot soup all over my lovely yellow boots.

I tried to explain why binge drinking wasn't really boosting his image as his mushy green complexion didn't seem to be winning the ladies over but he just kept mumbling he loved me and tried to give me a hug. Something tells me he'll realise tomorrow when he wakes up that the body doesn't like to try and consume alcohol in such abundance. That's if he gets over the embarrassment of acting like a Danan, while dancing like a moonwalking Crazy Frog...

After a trip to the dry cleaners to cleanse my vom-ridden outfit and elimate the cigarette fumes from my stench engulfed cape I finally kicked my boots in to touch and went to the gym.

Ah, if only life was always so simple as flying over Temple Park in the sunshine to Destination Treadmill...