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This can be one of the most testing and traumatic times of your life, losing a member of your family, a friend or even a pet can be very painful. This is not something you will not have to go through alone and it is important to remember that you will not be the only person who is grieving. It is true what people say, “time is a great healer” over time the pain will ease but you will always have the memories.
How to cope with death.
It is important to remember that no two people will cope with a death in the same way, if you think that somebody is not showing as much emotion or showing too much emotion this may be their way of dealing with the loss. The initial reaction to losing somebody is when the grief will be at its highest, there may be a significant sign of distress and even anger, this is quite normal for some people. Other people will be quiet and prefer to grieve alone.
Many people may not grieve straight away, it is quite common for people to begin grieving when they go to the ‘chapel of rest’ (the place were a persons body is kept until the funeral) or when the funeral takes place.
If you are not sure how or why somebody has died you may feel the need to ask a parent or friend how or why it happened, understanding the reasons why or how somebody has died can help you to come to terms with the death.
Coming to terms with a persons death is difficult, the pain of losing a parent is one the toughest, remembering them for all the good things they brought into your life is important, it will not help you overcome the hurt and pain you feel completely but it will help to overcome it a little bit. Some people never get over losing a loved one but over time you will learn to carry on with your life.
How people react to death differently.
There are 4 main types of bereavement (how somebody copes with a death), these reactions are the same for both young people and adults. Have a look at these reactions and see if you can associate them with yourself or somebody you know.
Guilt – Many people hold themselves responsible for somebody else’s death even when there was nothing they could have done to prevent it, they may even feel guilty for still being alive when somebody close to them has died.
- Denial – This is one of the most common forms of grieving, many people don’t want to believe they have lost somebody close and will carry on talking and acting as if they are still alive.
- Anger – It is quite common for a person to feel angry towards other people who they think do not understand. Some people feel angry to wards the person who has died, they may see it as a selfish act, this may sound quite strange but it does happen.
- Fear – When a person loses somebody close to them they might form a closer bond with another person, if they lose one parent they might try and become closer to the other, they might become scared of losing that parent as well. Many people become afraid of the thought of being left alone not knowing who will look after them.
After reading these types of bereavement you might have been able to link one of them with the way you are feeling or the feelings of somebody close to you. If you have been able to associate yourself with any of the reactions there is nothing to worry about, it is quite normal to grieve in one of these ways.
You might not be sure how you feel or think it would help to talk to somebody outside of your family or friends, if this is the case, DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!
We have posted a list of agencies on this website who will be able to help you and will listen to how you are feeling.
Remember one thing, in time your pain will ease.
Who can help?
Below we have listed a few organisations who will be able to offer you advice and help to deal with your bereavement or the bereavement of somebody close to you.
Child Line:
Tel: 0800 11 11
www.childline.co.uk
Cruse bereavement Care:
(National bereavement support for children and adults)
Telephone: 0870 167 1677
www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
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